If You Could See Me Now

If you could see me now,
You ask.
Would I beckon life for a freeze?
To dig into it’s unreachable compromise
In search of the slate
That was you and I?
I have.

In countless of times touched
The depth of what seemed a perfect tie
Only to come out
Bruised and shaken to a sight that lacks
The sunshine in your smile.

In memory,
I have the very sound of your departure.
Those footsteps would rapture
The veins in my eyes
Blinding the sight of your return
And the fabric of a cold you still
A nightmare to my palms.

In my days dark
I’d light to flame the poetry you’d written
Comprehending too deeply
A start so sweet preyed by a tragic ending

How did I not see the edges
of hell in the heaven you presented?

If you could see me now you ask.
I am a thousand wild seas
Sunbathed by thunders of a sailer stranded
I am a rainbow of ruins
Upon a sky of odium
My heart,
a cave from the once had and now gone
Gone and gone into the sails of strange men.

Here you stand returned.
Asking if you could see me now
Here I am,
Having only the taste of your touch
Standing in contrast to the chambers you’ve had
If I could see you now
Would the contours on your body
Remember its painter?
How long should I kiss your lips to remember.
To dismember the pleasures
I never took part?

This broken heart is not for mending
And if you could see me now,
This is what you made-
A world war of a human

The longing for a once more less humid
Dry with cracks of love forgotten
And if for a minute you’d think your
Tears would water me back to a forest
That was us
It wouldn’t hurt to tell you
Of how I turned your scars to this face I wear.

If I could see you now,
In all the emptiness you look like
In all the chaos I’m running from
There’s nothing imagined
That could bring to heart my broken touch.


Painful Forever

I’ve been stuck here,
Trying to make friends
To an us that isn’t breathing.
I’ve been through chapters,
Flipping memories
Hoping to find the fineness
That was your beauty
But I’m stuck!

These images
Don’t spark to warmths
The magic
That was your presence
And like a wand broken
My wishes seem not attracted to the shooting star
That was your heart.

I wait for the days gone to
Stab the days here to a still
That was your semblance.
For when I called you the moon
The sun sulked as you made my nights
To a glory that was your softness.

And here I am.
My mind,
Choked by your chuckles that won’t quiet
My neck,
Dry from the absence of your kisses
My fingers,
Forgetting the trace that made my spine tingle
My heel,
Craving a peck from your toes
That was your tiptoed way into my heart
And like ocean waters,
Forth with hope I brim
And when I prepare to hug
The wave that was your person
you fall dead to my feet.

I therefore lust with wonder
Is pain the forever
That was your promise?


Religions that slave us
My God. Show me yours
My actions nullify your faith
And your god isn’t God enough
Concepts. Theorems.
Origins and origins
Black and white form grey fields.
Free minds. Free thinkers.
A mind obtuse can never find hearing in such fields.
I’m too open to be closed in historical writings.
I’m Christian.
Find me,
wrapped in the lost
Contemplating if death is the desideratum of life.
souls rise with detonations of a brainwashed mind
Denounce your god quick enough to save a life not owned.
Show me heaven and I hate you
Give me virgins and I die for you
Maisha ni kama haya.
Mizunguko magari kama taya
Nimetaya na sadfa za maisha
Na miondoko ya dini kutugawa
Too much obsessed with intuitions of a super power
Human beings no longer participate in being human
Religion the bigger picture
Painted in canvases of self-interpretation
Framed in weak corners of frail and lost souls
Church bells and choir hymns
Work no more.
You sold your soul for nothing

Beneath this skin is an avalanche of beautifully organized chaos
Spinned round and round
Like web icons
Same vast content but different paces
And round we spin
gathering this energy we call customized specifics.
We eat. We live.
We try to love
What best defines us
We hope to see not
That which falls contrary to systems that power us.
And round we spin.
So play me my heart beats and loop them with pulses
Then play you your heart beats and loop them with pulses
Then tell if that’s the voice of indifference
But what else can we do when our darkness wants to grow up?
Feed it with the wrong truth and hope the lies won’t throw up
We are slaves
and these skins clothe the chains
We are closets
and these skins form the doors
We are secrets.
Are heart breaks.
Are loneliest of pieces
The tiniest of egos
are unknown hills on projections of mountains
are yesterday’s buried but still showing
Playing games on who can conceal much
Reveal less
Whose sin is bigger or probably darker. toy with phony silhouettes of who we want to be viewed as
I am three souls minus one
Heart to love you when you’re there
I am three souls minus one
mind to secretly hate you when you’re there
I am three souls minus one
body to trick you that I’m a good listener.
I am two people,
The one I show hiding who I am

You will be confined.
By what you don’t do much
My college peeps called me gay once.
So I had to bring in more girls just to prove them not.
I lost me in search of a validation
found twisted winds.
three souls minus one.
two people,
The one I show hiding who I am.

I’m black I’m black
My culture is right
I’m white I’m white
My culture is right
I’m black I’m white
Let’s make war and call this history
Mix the blood
The cries
The bones
The spirit into one fine form of paint and smear it
the writings on the wall will be credited to vandalism.

We all go mad at times and prepare the twisted ways to welcome notions of revolution movements.
Revolution this
Revolution that
Revolution this
Revolution crap!

The time has been now for the past century
Tell Obama it’s not about change now
It’s about women being redefined as better versions of men.
They were sold doctrines that sold equality to all but themselves
But here we are
Wondering what’s wrong with life.
We fall to chants of
Revolution this
revolution that
Revolution this
Revolution crap!
Justice is revenge redefined
Only the courts can give it.
But they too are lost.
Paper buys verdicts.
Tyrants wear this courts as democracy
We are naked as a people
Our divisions bring them together.
Someone tell democracy I know of its ties with beaurocracy
Someone tell revolution I’m tired of waiting for it
Someone tell someone that binarism and us versus them won’t work as a strategy.
Because humans are becoming almost, socially, extinct
And I won’t be part of it.

Religions that slave us
My God,
Show me yours!


When all is subtle
And everything certain.
when all is laid bare
And everything naked
When all is here,
Within reach
And everything grasped
I shall walk this isle with you.
Swayed not by your nakedness
But moved with a hope of clothing you-
My woman.

In all the silence of kissing you –
My bride
In all the glamour of lifting your veil
The face I find
Painted boldly with anxiety
Tainted with unknowns
Framed with the days to come
Un-lived with metal rounding fingers
I shall kiss you to a calm.
Swayed not by brevity of being man
But moved with a hope of you –
My woman.

How To Cry

Dear Maiden.
You have scarily dry eyes
Have they hope of being wet?
I can tell by your sighs
That Spring you haven’t met.
Have you
Danced with hurts of loneliness?
Dined with moist fantasy?
Broken promises taught you how to cry?

Dear Maiden.
The corners of a Heart;
far away.
The ray of its light;
Upon the darkest of night
cannot break the dawn.
The roof of a heart;
Too weak.
The thunderous rain; an ache
Upon its ‘solid’ back
Cannot shelter the meek.

Dear Maiden
If you look for tears
Go ask the fond
They will speak
Of how love taught them how to cry.

Strings And Winds

When love is just a kite
On unknown winds
The kisses blown towards you
flew on imaginary strings
holding hands-
an outward sign of hearts grown apart
The memories trapped in your mind
Are tired of reminding you,
what you were before this.

When the moments were ended by counting stars
With background moans of mating crickets
Those wishes
made under the dark of the sky
were not fast enough to slow up a shooting star.
But still-
you wished for better strings
Went back to be held with dead hands
Resting your head on tired hearts;
You wished for better winds
Went back and dug deep
the hurts long forgotten and buried some more

The wounds with pus
With creatures
With past
Dented on your skin
With tears as heavy as letting go
With ego
half pledged apologies
With body-less souls

You wished for better
From others
Who couldn’t find themselves
You felt for them
With a double heart when you had one.
One heart to throb in your chest
One soul to maintain your flesh
But the beats
The beats thumped for other chests
Your soul flew to where soul-less men made wild winds.

And you flew like the kite
With emotions as the string that held you there
Long in the moment of missing thunder bolts
Smelling the heavy scent of darker storms
and when they couldn’t fancy your glides they let go of the string.
And you lost yourself in twisted affairs with unknown winds.

So Love

The things we do
The things we say
The smiles we make
The bills we pay
This is us.
This is me
This is you.
Believing that
Love is in the air-
at least that’s what we say
But is it true where you come from
Beauty is determined by curves and size of ass
Emotions and love are measured by short flings,
short dresses,
short conversations,
and short relations
Circling around custom made likings
that short women are more beautiful-
and tall women are hard to curve

We have reduced the power of feel
Fights between light skins and dark skins
Not knowing that’s definitely and intimately-
21st Century racism

Is it true that
We have boxed love the same way
the opposite sex has?
Emotions sent in chocolate bars-
Feelings travelling in electronic phones-
and buzz-
Have you ever stopped and wondered?

Maybe in the world of emojis
They laugh at our ignorance
every time we send smiley faces
with sad intentions.
We no longer laugh like humans, we
just imagine laughters.

So next time you meet your loved one
Smile a second longer than
The recycled smiles on your phone.
Hug an inch tighter to trigger warmth
that will walk you through the cold times
Because these boxes can’t store
the shapes of love our heart makes


We are big
I am big
you are big

So stretch, close your hands
to the things we do
And open your hearts to the things
ought to be done since
Beauty and killer looks shouldn’t be boxed
In aspect ratios
That rely on another user to ascertain
our real worth, but
That’s how low we are
In a world where self opinion
should be the bench mark of who we are
But who are we
To find love when we are lost
Who are we to hold love
When we let go too soon?

I haven’t been kissed with lips that lack lies
And for every hand that held me
spoke of how loose I am
I have swam in oceans of ‘it’s not you,
it’s me’
‘You’re too good to be true’ and
I have tasted the excuse of ‘I need more-
time to know you’

My heart has had more breaks than school gives
My eyes have seen more beauty in
phone screens, but
Average people when met in reality

I have learned that tears cry too
that hearts fade away
with every rejection
And souls bend to breaking points
with every assumption

So dear lady,
If a man takes long to show his emotions
Go grab his hand,
Steal a kiss
And when he is breathless
Let him know how you feel

To everyone who is hurt,
this is how we heal,
this is how we rise
Schedule your pleasure everyday
for your pain has already scheduled itself

So today, put people first
And tomorrow, when they’re difficult,
Put people first
And when you get to itch for something new,
Put people first
And when you think your pain
Necessitates giving up everyone you love,
Put people first,
Open your world to other worlds
Gift your hands the textures of different people
Feast your eyes to shades of
different colours and fly your minds to
clouds of
How other people make it rain
in their own world

So today,
Learn that we are big
I am big, and you are big
So love
Love like hate has powered you
So love
Love like a heartbreak is chasing you

So love.